After honoring my request to be taken off Kimpton's email list, Maggie Lang said my snarky email "made me smile this morning. Note to self: Must make effort not to sound like #5. Have a great day. I shall resist inserting a smiley face here."

At which point my knees buckled: "OK, Lang. Now I'm starting to love YOU."

And in her reply to that, she referred to herself as "Bogus Title Lang."

When it comes to loyalty and relationships, a sense of humor and a willingness to mix it up are a great start—and they're clearly Maggie Lang's long suit.

But wake up, Maggie: Accuracy also matters, as does understanding your whole audience, and restraining your corporate "voice."

Because curmudgeons are customers too.

Love,

Me

Yesterday I shared the shot I fired over the bow of Maggie Lang, Senior Director of Loyalty & Relationship Marketing at Kimpton Hotels & Restaurants.

And she replied:

Hi David,
Thanks for the opportunity to respond. I completely agree with you; I
should know the number of duplicitous campaigns and if I chose to wait a
few days I could have gotten a closer count. However, I thought it more
important to apologize quickly while any potential frustration might
still be fresh.

I can imagine that it’s frustrating receiving emails from us if you
don’t recall subscribing. We only email subscribers who have opted in
for our emails. Would you like to unsubscribe?

Finally, at the risk of multiple semi-colon violations … I hear you; our
voice is a little different than that of most companies and it may not
be for everyone. As for the love? Well, we do love our members and we
hope they love us back. We try to earn their business every day and if
an exclamation mark in an email helps underscore that sentiment from
time to time, we’re willing to take that risk.

All my best,

Maggie

I replied,

Maggie, thanks for responding.

All is forgiven—except the exclamation points, which are the cheapest way imaginable to demonstrate “love”—and your cheapening of “love.” Do we have to add to the dictionary definition, “5. The way a retail corporation feels about every random Tom, Dick and Harry who has ever stumbled into one of its retail operations and handed it money and been dragooned into joining its ‘loyalty program.’ ”

Thanks again for the conversation. But please do unsubscribe me.

Love,

David

Readers: Was I too hard on Maggie in my first post? Too easy on her in my second? On my bad trip through the "duplicitous" corporate communication industrial park, help me find the path to rationality. (And tomorrow I'll tell you how Lang and I ended the conversation.) —DM

"We owe you an apology – we goofed" was the subject line of an email I got last week from Kimpton Hotels & Restaurants.

"Dear Friend," the message began. Not remembering when exactly I stayed at a Kimpton hotel or why I began being plagued with its emails, I already had my back up.

"There's nothing to say other than; we messed up. We know that your email inbox is already full at best and emails are tough to sift through. We didn't mean to make it worse by sending you a number of the same email! Our team was aghast when we learned of our mistake, and assure you that we'll do everything in our power to ensure it won't happen again. Our email gurus are on it!"

First of all, your use of the semicolon is semi-literate. "Full at best"? That's awkward at best. "A number of the same email!"? You don't know the number? Your "email gurus"? What are email gurus (aside from being the poor goofs, real or mythological, that you just threw under the bus)?

Buy the next line is the unforgivable one: "Still love us?"

The letter goes on, but I didn't.

To Maggie Lang, Sr. Director, Loyalty & Relationship Marketing, please know this: There is no such thing as a compelling generic group apology. And if you're forced to make one, it should contain no exclamation marks. And assuming continuing "love," even in BFFy slangy jesty Twitterish jokey Gen Y chit-chat talk, on behalf of the aggrieved party—well, it makes me wonder what sort of mind-blowing nitwit gave you that bogus title of yours.

Please advise.

Sincerely,

David Murray, Friend

Of course I sent all of the above to Ms. Lang for her response. Her surprising reply will appear tomorrow. —DM