Last week I went to Northeast Ohio where I grew up, to give a couple of book talks for Soccer Dad. At the end of the week I sent a triumphant note to my publisher Disruption Books, who replied saying they’re “very happy with the sales and effort.”

Not half as happy as I am. Here was my week:

Tuesday

Today I drove from Chicago to a hotel in Streetsboro, Ohio, where one of the old Ohio University soccer dads picked me up and squired me to a restaurant in the neighboring town of Hudson, Ohio, where I grew up. There, after a happy hour with a few Hudson soccer dads and coaches, I delivered a book talk at the Hudson Library & Historical Society, where I learned to read.

The event was sponsored by The Learned Owl Book Shop; my central memory of this place is sitting on the floor as a child, waiting for my mother to pick out the latest from Marilyn French, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn or Joan Didion.

The packed room included one of my best friends growing up, and another high school classmate who I hadn’t seen since we graduated in 1987. I spoke about my parents, both authors of books that appeared on the shelves of The Learned Owl 50 years ago, and I read from their work in addition to reading from mine. I signed books afterward, including six copies that The Learned Owl placed on their “Hudson author” shelf. Afterward, a nightcap at Kepner’s Tavern, a warm Main Street bar that I never saw the inside of growing up because my dad thought it, like all drinking establishments, a “den of iniquity.”

Wednesday

After a leisurely breakfast at Yours Truly, kind of a gourmet greasy spoon that’s only gotten better since I ate there as a kid, I drove to Akron to play golf at Chenoweth Golf Course, with one of the early heroes in my life—my high school history teacher, Rob Yanko. Rob, as my 57-year-old self struggles to call him with a straight face, only retired earlier this year. I wasn’t the only student who loved him.

I’d used Soccer Dad as an excuse to get in touch with him. You see, Mr. Yanko was also the Hudson High golf coach, and in a chapter that briefly chronicles my own ignominious youth sports career, I note that he cut me from the golf team four years in a row—the last year, laughing when I entered the clubhouse. After reading Soccer Dad, Mr. Yanko agreed that “it is time for me to reassess your game.” We played 18 holes today. The 85-year-old whipped me by about 15 strokes. I asked if I could try out again next year; he took it under advisement.

It was something else to feel 17 years old for a whole day: curious to get to know a fine man as an adult, and meanwhile so eager to show my old teacher that I’d lived a life worthy of the education he helped to give me. (And worthy of the worthy life he has lived himself.)

Afterward, Rob and his wife Mary hosted a happy hour and a rollicking dinner with another beloved teacher from high school, the sociology teacher and the taker of my senior picture, Jim Roetzel. (Jim is an exquisite photographer and a deeply funny and wise man.) In our revelry, we all forgot to take a photo. But I hope Jim caught a glimpse of this kid who he saw so well 40 years ago.

Thursday

Woke up this morning in a boathouse at Clifton Lagoon in Cleveland, the home of my college pal Tom Gillespie, who had arranged another book talk for tonight, at the West End Tavern, which Tom owns. Tom’s a developer who conserves old buildings by converting them for new uses—and we spent the day on the bum, visiting various projects in his 1967 Mustang convertible. I drove.

Then it was on to the show at the West End—another packed house, this one louder and with a few customers who were not on their first drink. That made for a lively book talk, thankfully moderated by Tom and Pete Carroll, a youth-sports-wise and room-commanding friend of ours. The room got very quiet when I spontaneously closed the talk with a slightly tearful reading of a long text I sent to Scout when she was struggling with college soccer. And then roared with laughter and applause, at Scout’s one-line reply, that serves as the ending of the book.

Afterward, there was an emotional reunion with one of Scout’s dearest teammate/sisters from OU, and lots of good and eager talk with some sports dads in attendance. At one point, a basketball dad fondly remembered driving to tournaments with his teenage sons; he showed me pictures he’d taken of them sleeping in the backseat. I advised him to make one of these, for them.

As was the case at The Learned Owl—and partly thanks to some aggressive last-minute sales efforts by Tom and Pete—the Shaker Heights bookstore Loganberry Books sold all the copies they brought to this event. And afterwards, the co-hosts were happy.

Friday

I can say from a position of authority: A good way to wash off a celebratory evening that ended at 3:30 a.m. (or was it more like 4:00?) … is to ride a Triumph motorcycle fast and curvy on a sunny day, down through the Cleveland Metro Parks to Peninsula, Ohio, for a burger and a beer—and then tear back up through the Cleveland National Forest until you find yourself suddenly waiting for a train in the middle of a steel mill in The Flats—a train whose tanker cars contain molten steel whose heat radiates from an open hatch on top.

You’ll want to top that off with dinner at the White Oaks Restaurant, a 1920s speakeasy, in the forest beside a creek. You’ll also want to call it a weekend on Saturday, in time to get home and revel in what must have been one of the very best weeks of a life that’s contained a lot of good ones.

My deepest thanks to everyone who played a part, starting with my late parents.

A few months before Soccer Dad came out, an Ohio soccer mom put out Surviving Soccer—a very different book for a similar audience. Karen Scholl’s is a humor book—a comprehensive send-up of the bizarre behavior and deranged thinking of sports parents who think they are normal. People like me and Scholl.

Now, Scholl is writing about the bizarre behavior and deranged thinking of authors who think they are normal. People like Scholl and me.

She’s captured a lot of what I’ve been writing in my “Sales Mode” series here, about the endless rabid relentlessness required to publicize and promote a book, and the rewards. In a recent Substack account of a torturous yet triumphant book-signing appearance at the American Library Association show in Chicago, Scholl hit on an aspect of this process that “Sales Mode” hasn’t touched yet. She wrote:

But you know what people say to you when your book comes out? How’s it selling? Seems innocent. Kind, even. Here they are asking about something that’s important to me. And yet it feels like a small, polite stab. Wasn’t it enough that I wrote a book and got it published? Now you want to know how many copies I’ve sold? Truthfully, I don’t actually know. I’m not sure I really want to know. I only know enough to know it will never be enough to brag about. You know?

Asking an author, “How’s it selling?” is like asking a long-unemployed person, “How’s the job search going?” But also, not asking, “How’s it selling?” is like not asking a long-unemployed person, “How’s the job search going?”

You worry you’ll wound ’em either way.

No, you won’t. Especially the author, who like Scholl, generally doesn’t know how the book is doing in any way that will satisfy a questioner, because the vagaries of book sales are full of delayed reporting from variously reliable channels, all with their technical caveats. It’s all shadows on cave walls. The best I can tell you about Soccer Dad is that “the publisher seems happy” and that sales in June exceeded sales in May (I am pretty sure), which indicates momentum is building since the launch, rather than falling off (I am pretty sure).

Yes, comes the reply, but what about the numbers? Here’s the problem with the numbers. The only numbers anyone has ever heard about books are about books like Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five, which has sold “millions of copies worldwide,” and (mostly because it’s taught in schools) sells 125,000 copies a year, according to my close friend AI Overview. How about The Shining? “Exact figures for Stephen King’s 1977 novel The Shining are difficult to pinpoint, as the publishing industry does not publicly disclose raw numbers. However, early hardback sales are widely cited as approximately 700,000 copies …”

So how is it going to sound to you that my book is selling several hundred copies per month? Or, that I’d be pleased if it got up to 3,000 this year, in hopes that enough of those 3,000 love it so much they’ll recommend it to others, and so we maybe sell another 1,000 every year until—I don’t fucking know, why don’t you just tell me what I want to hear: That you enjoyed the book (if that’s true), and that you were glad to see it got covered in The USA Today. I didn’t write this book to make money, I wrote it to communicate with people. I want to talk what people are saying about it, not how many of them bought it.

If my book starts selling really well, you’ll be the first to hear it—probably from my interviewer on the Today Show. Meanwhile, please just hope it sells well enough to meet the Sisyphean goal I had for it going in: that a publisher wants me to write another one sometime, and that I come up with another idea worthy of another five years of my life.

Oh, and speaking of which, that’s the other question you don’t ask a recently published author: “What’s your next book?” Unless you’d also ask a mother in the recovery room what she’s going to name her next baby, and when’s it coming out.

(It’s also possible I’m getting a little brittle, after all these months of promoting Soccer Dad like it’s the Holy goddamn Bible. The other day a friend had the accidental temerity to suggest that Soccer Dad‘s good sales might have something to do with the World Cup. I threatened to drive over to his house and shit in his driveway.)