My Aunt Betty had a needlepoint pillow on her couch that said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit with me."
The only thing I don't like about being editor of Vital Speeches of the Day is that I'm always celebrating good speeches, and there's no room to skewer bad speeches. Well, that's what blogs are for, I guess. Here I nominate the first of what I hope will be many, Frightful Speeches of the Day.
This one comes from the noted American Idol runner-up David Archuleta, whom Senator Orrin Hatch invited to speak at a women's conference in Utah last week. (I include the link for those who think the term "women's conference in Utah" is euphemism for "marriage in Utah.")
Why did Hatch invite Archuleta to speak? Hell, I don't know … why was Orrin Hatch invited to speak? All I know is that this speech is a worthy first nominee for FSOTD .
Well, thank you. Hello. Good morning. Iโd like to thank Senator Hatch for inviting me to come. When I was first asked to speak at this, I thought it was kind of funny. Itโs like, David Archuleta, speak? A David Archuleta speech for me thatโs kind of like an oxymoron. Iโve never been very good at speaking, but I always thought, my whole life (I guess there hasnโt been a whole lot of it) but when I was younger I was never good at speaking. I probably would have never been able to come up and say five words in front of all of you a few years ago. I always thought I guess thatโs why I have music in my life and singing because thatโs the only way I know how to communicate to people. Over the last couple of years, it seems like music has kind of gotten me into a lot of situations and a lot of trouble with havingto speak in front of people a lot. But I feel like itโs a good opportunity to kind of overcome it. I have some notes. I wasnโt sure exactly what Iโm supposed to be saying but the things I have to talk about here are a little random. I still think there are some important things to talk about. One of the things I wanted to talk about was since speaking is something that I thought I would have never done anything like this a few years ago. Sometimes you have to face your fears. I kind of wanted to talk about that a little so I had a little bit written here. Itโs like even thoughspeaking is a fear of mine I know it is something I need to face and go head-on against and do more of. One of the things they asked me to speak about was about following your dreams and still realizing the important things in life. The first question I thought of was โWhat does it mean to follow your dreams?โ I kind of thought well, itโs your desire to accomplish something that seems difficult. Itโs like well that will only exist in my dreams. That can never happen in reality, but then itโs like well, why not! I mean if itโs something you really have a desire to do and you feel like itโs a good thing, it may seem difficult to do but you just take those first little steps. I think those are the most difficult things to do, getting it started, getting started with doing that. The first step of having greater growth in life is facing those fears and not being able to accomplish those things. If you want to get better at something, you need to start in the first place. Itโs like, โOh well, Iโll never be good at that and Iโm bad at thatโ and so we avoid doing it and try to avoid it: likespeaking for me! I didnโt avoid it today but I think thatโs a good thing. โจAs I stand before all of you here today, youโre my witnesses, Iโm taking that step forward and improving my speaking skills. It really is a difficult step sometimes because itโs almost like weโre fighting this current of fear thatโs pushing us back. Thatโs the thing that keeps us from moving forward from our weaknesses. If we have a weakness, okay mine is speaking, speaking as you can see is difficult for me. If I would have been like oh, Iโm not ever going to speak because Iโm bad at it. Well, David! How are you going to get better at it if you never do it? You know, you start little. Sometimes I speak to small youth groups or to my friends and things like that. Then I would realize speaking can actually be a really good thing because you can communicate through music but there are also things in speaking that itโs like having a conversation with someone. As much nonsense as I can make sometimes when Iโm speaking, the more I do it the more I realize wow, itโs a really great thing because Iโm able to share with people my experiences and the things I have been able to do and the things Iโve learned most of all, I think.โจ
And on like that, for 50 minutes. (Full transcript here, for gluttons.) Eventually, the crowd began begging him to sing. Not because they wanted to hear him sing, probably. But because it would force him, finally, to stop speaking.
Kate Zimmerman says
The poor guy isn’t even 20. Why was he asked to speak at a women’s conference — simply because he’d been on TV? Isn’t this the consequence of a blog-crazy world, that any schlub, famous or not, thinks his stream-of-consciousness utterances are golden?
David Murray says
So you’re saying we’re going to be hearing (and the editor of Vital Speeches of the Day is going to be reading) LOTS of speeches like this from Archuleta and his whole generation of Twits? Please, Kate. Please say you’re not saying that.
Robert J Holland, ABC says
That was truly painful.
Eileen B says
I couldn’t even finish it…poor kid. Whoever is advising him should be ashamed.
David Murray says
Safe to say whoever is advising him is … shameless?
Eileen B says
Safe.
Eileen B says
But be honest David, how old is this kid? I was a high school public speaking teacher and I’m a professional communicator, and I was still giving speeches on how to French braid your hair in college.
Were you eloquent in high school, or equally “twitt-ish?”
David Murray says
I was more eloquent than this guy in first grade.
Robert J Holland, ABC says
And I was getting paid a lot less than he is when I was his age. No excuse.
Stacey Holleran says
IMHO, the blame for this fully rests on Senator Hatch for ever asking David Archuleta to ever speak at this event in the first place: 1) Those responsible for speaker research and invitations should consider the audience need/interest and 2) Those responsibel for speaker research and invitations should select people who actually bill themselves as professional speakers. Shame on Hatch and any committee behind the poor choice made here.
David Murray says
Good point, Stacey, but while we’re rounding up culprits, how about casting a hairy eyeball toward whoever put Orrin Hatch in charge of recruiting speakers for a women’s conference???
Liam Scott says
I have a potential contender for you. We all heard of the case of the singer who wrote a song about United damaging his guitar. We all heard that last week the airline lost his luggage while he was enroute to Denver. Buried in the coverage was the purpose of his trip: to give a speech to a group of customer service employees. Who in the world would book him for that, and what could he possibly say? It could well be a qualifier for Most Frightful (belated edition).