In the course of my globe-scouring speech-search for the January issue of Vital Speeches International, I ran across a speech given at last week's Second International Conference on Afghanistan, in Bonn, Germany.

In his talk, Iran’s Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ali Akbar Salehi, channeled Dana Carvey's Church Lady when he said,

The neighboring Afghanistan is a brotherly and friendly country whose stability and security is of critical importance for the Islamic republic of Iran. … The Islamic Republic of Iran continues to actively contribute to the reconstruction of Afghanistan and extends its hand for cooperation to all friendly countries to that effect.

Unfortunately, during the past 10 years peace and security have not been restored in Afghanistan: the development of foreign forces in this country has not only failed to uproot terrorism but has rather caused this scourge to take hold even deeper.

And who might those foreign forces belong to? Who has failed to fight terrorism, and in the course of doing so only made terrorism worse. Oh I don’t know. Could it be …

“That said, Iran strongly supports handing the security affairs over to the Afghanistan national military/police and departure of the foreign military forces. … It must be noted that certain western countries seek to extend their military presence in Afghanistan beyond 2014 by maintaining their military bases there.”

Now who could that be? Which western countries seek to extend their military presence in Afghanistan? Hmmm, I can’t even guess. Well, I’ll try.

“The Islamic Republic of Iran condemns violation of human rights by foreign military forces, including frequent attacks [on] residential areas, and urges the international community, particularly the Bonn conference, to be responsive toward such violations and take the necessary measures to halt the continuous violations of human rights by foreign militaries in Afghanistan.”

Which foreign military forces could he possibly be talking about? What foreign military would frequently attack residential areas? Could it be …

“In conclusion, I would like to highlight the Islamic Republic of Iran stand ready to actively participate in Afghanistan’s reconstruction programs and pray the Almighty to bless this brotherly and friendly country with stability, security and peace.”