This is how the video starts.

“I’m a director of corporate communications,” says a pink blond, proudly.

“I’m a writer and editor,” pronounces a humble fellow who appears to be suffering from an Excedrin headache.

“I’m a strategist,” insists a scowling young woman.

Cut to the Brady Bunch squares. All together now, “I am IABC Dallas!”

Oh, for crissake.

Irresistibly titled, “IABC Dallas—Informed, Effective and Empowered Communicators—Helping You Find Your Voice,” this near self-parody is the first entry in IABC’s “Film Festival 2009.”

The mother association hopes IABC members and chapters will help promote the organization to prospective members through two-minute videos: “This is your chance to let your creativity shine. Your video could be in the style of a TV commercial, a documentary, or even a musical! … Whether it’s a glitzy Hollywood style production or a low-frills ‘indie’ movie, we want to capture the faces, voices, and stories of the people who make IABC what it is.”

IABC Dallas chose to do this video in the style of the “corporate waterboarding,” where real people spontaneously mouth the strategic talking points.

“Our online resources and monthly events help professionals gain knowledge, grow their skills, and evolve their careers!”

“When the phone rings and it’s someone I’ve recently met at an IABC meeting who’s interested in doing business with me … there’s few things as exciting.”

“You never feel like you’re alone when you’re part of IABC Dallas.”

“That is the embodiment of empowering people to not only, you know, move ahead in their career, but just in life in general.”

“They empower me to do my best and to be my best and to constantly look for opportunities to be able to help others.”

Well, if these are “the people who make IABC what it is,” then IABC is the home of the kinds of uninformed, inneffective, powerless non-communicators that companies hire when they only want to give the appearance
of communicating.

Here’s what the video really communicates:

When you
want to sell something, bring in advertising people. When you want
to tell something, bring in a PR firm. When you want to influence
somebody important, hire a lobbyist.

And when you want to blather on about doing your best and being your best and always looking for opportunities to help others … call IABC Dallas.