Scout, Bill and Betty Sweetland, a long drive to a small-town golf course on a sunny Sunday. I can only hope you have such a predictably happy activity to resort to.
Creep Thoughts for springtime, by Buffy Van Huis
It's been a few months since last we sampled the lighthearted urban observations of the mild-mannered graphic designer and avid Facebooker, Buffy Van Huis. Let's see what's been on her sprightly mind this spring.
Cleaning toilets is unrewarding. Eventually, someone comes along and shits all over your hard work.
Grass is an overachieving asshole.
Don't think about the sticky bathroom floor … don't think about the sticky bathroom floor … See also: night terrors and new shoes.
I like my headaches like I like my men, heavily medicated and drowned in coffee.
Yes, please shake your nasty umbrella on me. How else will I attain that musty old water smell that drives everyone wild?
Yes, we all have time to wait, on the stairs, while u finish yr txt msg lol. I'm gonna lmfao whn I rip yr ♥ out w/ my bare hands. K? 😉
Bum: "That mother-effer just mother-effing mother-effed my mother-effing mother-effer! Eff!" Of course I understood her, I speak Effer.
If you didn't spend 5 mins watching a bum pick at the crust on his head and then eat it, then your morning wasn't as fulfilling as mine.
If you fart really loud on a crowded train, but you're not awake to hear it, did it really happen? Asking for the guy sleeping next to me.
Lady reading a large box of prescription strength vaginal cream on the train. Cry for help or best creep deflector, ever?
Heard on hold with local Car-X shop
"Satisfied customers are our greatest resource."
Wait one cottonpickin' minute. That particular smoke is reserved for the asses of employees.
What are they saying internally?
The employee is always right?