A nonentity named Eileen Zimmerman has a “Career Couch” column in yesterday's New
York Times advising people new to the corporate world how to behave at
“after-hour gatherings where alcohol is served.”

Zimmerman talks to "career experts," and so gets expertly careerist advice.

“Don’t be fooled,” warns one such person, whose paranoia and teetotaling ways have  rocketed her to the head of "cooperative education and career services" at a place called Pace University. “You are always
being scrutinized by colleagues, so professionalism at all times is a must.”

The Times column continues: “Cy Wakeman, president of a human resources consulting firm
bearing her name in Sioux City, Iowa, says that when it comes to drinking with
colleagues, ‘the risk is very high that something negative will come out of
it.’”

A human resources consulting firm bearing her name, eh? Well then!

Look, I’ve seen work-boozing go bad; a colleague became so
ripped at a company Christmas party that he grabbed a steak knife and cut the
CO2 tube on a beer keg and started sucking on it.

As the president of a freelance writing firm bearing my
name, let me advise: Don’t do that.

I’m also not arguing that people must drink at work to get ahead. If you don't drink a lot with your friends, don't drink a lot with your colleagues. You’re not good at it, and it’s
not you. (And actually, Hitler isn't the only teetotaler who ever got a head. Here's a long list.)

But if you're one of us lucky ones who can handle a few drinks without eyeballing the
silverware drawer, here’s a counterpoint: When it comes to some colleagues (and even
some bosses), drinking offers the only chance
of having something positive happen. Many times, alcohol has helped me and my
colleagues get real about a tense problem, share
personal feelings that made us more sympathetic to one another, communicate in
eureka moments: “I’m so glad you said that. I thought I was the only one who
felt that way.”

A business psychologist and the president of prestigious
institution Manhattan Business Coaching told the Times’ writer, “If you can relax at professional events only by
having a drink, that could indicate a problem.”

Let’s see: You’ve painted the workplace as somewhere where
your colleagues are always scrutinizing you, looking for any careless glimpse
you give of your soft underbelly so they can slice it open at the first opportunity.

“Everyone you interact with while drinking has the potential
to affect your career,” Zimmerman writes. “A colleague today may be your
manager six months from now and will likely recall any indecorous behavior.”

And you’re supposed to “relax” around these people while
sober?

I don’t think so.

Here’s my advice: At corporate gatherings, drink as much as
you possibly can without making an asshole out of yourself. Err on the side of “without
making an asshole out of yourself,” yes. But don’t forget to drink.

Boots backers, do you drink at company parties? If so, how much? If not, for the love of God, why not?

My latest on Huffington Post is a time-travel adventure around my neighborhood in Chicago.

Some goof called "inspiredwriters" is following me on Twitter. Mindlessly, since she has the word "writers" in her handle, I follow her back.

She sends me a direct message (these can be generated automatically in case you can't guess): "thank you for following! I hope that you like me are passionate about writing, art, creativity and personal development! check out the coolest thing ever! 🙂 http://bit.ly/OuOnD"

More exclamation points!

So I respond: But to respond, no I'm not "passionate" about writing, and only occasionally am passionate about the things I'm writing about. As for art, creativity and personal development—those who talk about having "passion" for such things in the abstract are talentless, humorless bores. (Like you!)

Oh, and that "coolest thing ever"? I thought you had found motion picture footage of the actual sinking of the Titanic sinking, or some cool shit like that.

No such luck.

Twitter is a filthy, third-world backstreet filled and filling further with such creeps and desperate nuts.