From the Writing Boots Phrase Translation Service, English-to-Honest English

English: "I want to surprise him!"

Honest English: "I could use the artificial self-esteem boost of seeing the surprised look on his face and having him run and hug me, even if deep down I know his hystrionic reaction is just a put-on, learned from a hundred imbecilic movies where people surprise people and the surprised people act crazyhappy even though in real life a surprised person actually feels disoriented and annoyed because they didn't wake up this morning hoping you were going to parachute into their life and they have their own plan for the day that doesn't involve you and now you're screwing that plan up, which is OK, I guess, because they love you, but could you give them one fucking minute to make the mental adjustment? No, you can't, because the whole reason you surprised the person in the first place is to see The Look On Their Face, and if they screw up The Look, they'll ruin the surprise—ruin it for you, you narcissistic oaf!"