Writing Boots

On communication, professional and otherwise.

A speechwriting template, by Ambrose Bierce

03.24.2011 by David Murray // 2 Comments

Thank you for that flaccid introduction. I should have written it better myself.

It was a big favor to come here and a tremendous chore to get here, and still, I'm astonishingly nervous to be here.

Nervous, because, I know full well, and so do you, that what I like to talk about, you don't really care about, and what you really care about, I have nothing new to say about.

So I'm relying on a combination of your native conventionality and cowardice, and hoping groupthink outstrips the mob mentality for long enough that I may get out of here with my life.

[Insert 4,500 Words Here.]

Thanks for listening, and now it is my social duty to condescend to answer some of your passive-aggressive gripes disguised as questions.

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Comments

  1. Cindy starks says

    March 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    This is very funny – Did Ambrose Bierce really say it?
    Cindy Starks

    Reply
  2. David Murray says

    March 28, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    No, he possessed me, and I said it.

    Reply

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