As you know, I occasionally consort with politicians. Elected officials meet lots of people and see lots of names. And over several years, one of those officials has been sending me, on scraps of paper and the backs of receipts and Post-It Notes, the most interesting of the names he has come across. At some point I started putting them in my desk drawer.
I present these names now as a poem. They appear in the order they came out of my drawer.
Americans
McHenry Robinson
Sam Shew
Parthenia Stegal Floyd Combs III
Bruno Lorgus
James Livergood
Vera Haire
Laquisa S. Loggins.
Canita M. Treece
Andy L. Ruppenkamp
Pam Popularum
Jerri Berry
Mabel L. Fuse
Alexa McJimpsey
Perlleta Bannister
Irma German ("say it aloud")
Jesse Stiff
Shawn P. Horn
Amy M. Mings
Don W. Scattergood
Paula Poutry
Monica Beavis
Lou Tobacco
Georgia Doucette
Margine Shampine
Penny Papp
Mindy Munn
Ginger Rocks
Otto Toke ("maybe the winner re. the most memorable name using the fewest different letters, eh?")
Lad Smutny III
Zeno Regas
Jarrod Butter
Hospicio Baron
Hmmm, my wife and I may have to revisit the shortlist of names for our forthcoming baby…As a classics major, I have to admit that Parthenia and Popularum are my favourites. But Lad Smutny III gets my vote for most peculiar.
I had a waiter at Red Robin named Zeus. No lie. It’s his given name. I thought he’d amount to more given a name like that, but alas…
I had a teenage girl waiter at Bob Evans named “Tragedy,” and my friend Bill tutored a boy named “Nemesis.”
My dad’s name was Harry Johnson. I was in my mid-40s before I thought that through.