I sent out a whimsical Tweet yesterday, because I had a bunch of small posts going up, a shitload of work to do and no time to flog each item:

"Read Writing Boots regularly," Twoth I. "Then, I wouldn't have to Tweet every one of my posts a hundred times."

I put up something similar on Facebook, and a number of people said they "Liked."

Not Public Relations and Communication Management Veteran Judy Gombita.

She Tweeted my ass right back: "but simply enjoining tweeps to read your posts and broadcasting publicity tweets about them isn't terribly engaging or social…."

Yes, but that is the only reason I ever Tweet, as Judy Gombita goddamn well knows. "Publicity," as she calls it, is the only reason it would ever occur to me to Tweet. Sometimes I retweet somebody else's "publicity" Tweet—if I think it deserves the publicity I can give it.

But never do I try to start some separate converTwation on Twitter, or actually express ideas there, to whatever four strangers happen to be listening at the time. I don't mind wasting time, but I refuse to waste time sober.

But yesTwerday, the Twuth was, I had a mountain of copy to edit and needed a diversion. So I took Gombita up on her conversational gambit.

"I do my job," I Twaid, "it's up to readers (who don't have their own daily blogs) to do theirs."

"you responded to my tweet," she Twold me. "That's an 'engaging' start. Next time you can try INITIATING some two-way symmetrical communication. :-)"

When you use a pseudo-scientific term like "two-way symetrical communication," you damn well better put a smileyfartface next to it.*

Gombita also said, "blogging every day simply means you're a prolific creator & publisher; It doesn't qualify as 2-way, unless passive readers comment."

Me Twinks she doth proTwest too much.

I Twied to point out the abTwerdity of the converTwation:

"You responded to my jokey Tweet about self-promotion on Twitter by criticizing me for self-promotion on Twitter."

"I guess I didn't 'get' the jokey part."

"You seriously thought I was admonishing my 1,000 Twitter followers to read my blog without being asked? Judy, you need a vacation."

I hoped that would Twut her up. In fact, I Twought it had.

Nope. Hours later:

"*I* need a vacation. C'mon, David: who peed in your cornflakes, today?"

Nobody, Judy. I just actually felt like engaging you today, in some two-way symetrical communication.

🙁

* For readers unfamiliar with the term "two-way symmmetrical communication," it was popularized almost two decades ago by a study IABC paid some tens of thousands of dollars to have made, called Excellence in Public Relations. Larry Ragan once critiqued the study and its precious, egghead definition of communication and PR. His review was titled, "Does selling scads of brassieres constitute 'excellent' public relations?"