And while we're at it, how on earth did those temperance women expect men to tell one another the stinkingabsurdsadhilarioushumiliating truth when they put an end to taverns?

At Starfuckinbuck's?

Naw. I once proposed to a friend with whom I'd had a falling out that we have a heart-to-heart at a coffee shop. He really wanted to honor my request. Know how I know? He took two days before he e-mailed me back saying he just couldn't imagine having such a conversation sober. He passed my test. (And called my bluff.)

Drinking—like smoking: bad for physical health, good for communication.*

* To a point. As in bowling and drinking, the Three-And-Nine rule applies: You're at your best when you've had three, but the value begins to seep out when you've had more than nine.