Writing Boots

On communication, professional and otherwise.

Writing Boots exclusive: lingerie firm’s promotional float sullies otherwise wholesome small-town parade

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Finally cleaning out my tank bag after my motorcycleriffic lap around Lake Michigan, I came across a copy I'd stashed, of the June 26 "Perspectives" section of the U.P.'s The Daily Mining Gazette.

I'd saved it in order to share with you this unanswerable letter to the editor, from Casandra Mattila, of Painesdale, Mich.:  


Bottom_right  I was very happy with the Bridgefest parade. Thank you to all that made it possible. I was,  though, very upset, along with other parents standing across and beside me, with the float sponsored by Jeannie's Intimates. There was no need for her to have girls in the parade with  see-through lingerie on. …

Some parents and we were surprised that police saw this and did not tell them to put clothes on for indecent exposure. Pretty bad when you have young children asking, "Why don't they have any clothes on?" or "I saw her underwear." [Jeannie] should have had respect for the community and saved the adult wear for showing at her place of business and that's it.

Who are the “good article” people?

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Last week The New York Times had a piece about "Twitter scolds," who correct people's grammar screw-ups and errors in taste. Hey, that's no big deal. There have always been crackpots, gadflies and shut-ins. That's how Huffington Post health updates on Bret Michaels get two thousand comments while normal people scratch their heads and wonder, "Who's Bret Michaels?"

The people who scare me are the ones who feel compelled to write simply, "good article" in the comment box on a magazine's website that's read by thousands.

Do these professional consumers also insist on offering pilot and co-pilot fist-bumps upon a successful landing? "Come on, Captain: Give me some rock!"

After downing a tasty carton of Stouffer's Macaroni & Cheese, do they feel obligated to send compliments to the plant manager?

Are they compelled to praise every decent article they read?

"Honey, I'll be there in a moment. I just have to let this writer know I think his article is—what's the word I'm searching for here?—good!"

And the shut-ins shall inherit the letters-to-the-editor column

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A communication website I read every morning publishes an article. I glance at it and say to myself, "That's not as funny as the writer thinks it is," I casually chuckle that the same could probably be said about a lot of my stuff. Ah, ya can't it it out of the park every day.

By midday, an argument has erupted among the website's readers, in the article's comments section:

"You were right on with these tips," the first reader opines.

"Talk about a new low!" the next guy says, even though no one was talking about new lows. "This is horrible writing."

"I love sarcasm as much as anyone," the next reader piled on, "but this article is neither helpful nor humorous."

Reader number four to the rescue! "Folks, let's not be so hard on [the writer]."

"Excellent article! Wonderful wit!" came the next commenter, anonymous and sounding suspciously like the writer's mother.

"The expectations set by the subject headline in the e-mail sent out I think is the problem," hypothesized another anonymous commentator.

"Since when are metaphors and puns 'horrible writing'?" asked another self-appointed pun-dit.

And on like that.

If these people feel this deeply the responsibility to get to the bottom of whether a throw-away column on a communication-trade website is (or is not!) up to the publisher's usual standards, we wonder what other momentous matters they tackle every day.

When it says "two for one," what do you mean by "one," exactly? Let me speak to your manager!

But the thing is, it's this sad shut-in demographic—once described by my radio-deejay nephew as "old people who are in too much pain to sleep"—that dominates the comments sections of most news sites.

Which sucks, because these people don't have much insight because they don't get out much. And people in chronic pain aren't very good company, are they?