Writing Boots

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The Cold Close: Why every Zoom call makes us all look like a bunch of phony sociopaths

01.31.2023 by David Murray // Leave a Comment

I’ve written here about my belief that I’m a lesser listener on Zoom than on the phone, because on Zoom I’m focused on how I’m reacting to what you’re saying, rather than on what you’re saying.

I’ve recently realized another objection I have to the Zoom calls that pepper my days.

It is this: No matter how rich the exchange, how heartfelt the connection, how good the chemistry—every Zoom call ends badly. 

Why?

Rather than leaving on a Castanzian high note, every Zoom call concludes on a terrible cold note, as the smile runs away from both parties’ faces while we struggle to quickly end the call—and with increasing desperation!

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Such a cold anticlimax! Such an untoward bathroom glimpse! Such a bobbled dismount! At the end of every single one-on-one Zoom!

Is this a huge deal? I don’t know, it kind of seems like it is, actually. What if every Frank Capra movie ended with a three-second denouement where the actors came out of character and smirked at each other? “Friendship, schmiendship. Bogey, you got a smoke?”

Those propeller heads at Zoom have figured out how to transform working from home into hosting an all-day talk show. 

Surely they can figure out a workaround to ending every one of those interactions on a sour note.

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