"MISSING SENIOR CAT—REWARD $700," reads the notice in a neighborhood forum. "My sweet senior kitty got out of the house almost a year ago … We know that it will be a miracle to get this amazing soul back but we're hoping we are blessed with one …. She will pee and poop on clothing left on the floor but I don't care … "
The owner posted a picture of The Cat that Shat, probably taken at the moment she first heard herself referred to as "senior."
(Senior shitizen, in this case.)
I was once bawled out by a relative for referring to my puppy's "cage." You're not supposed to call it a cage. You're supposed to call it a kennel, she told me.
"The puppy won't know the difference," I somehow summoned the energy to point out.
"I'll know!" the relative yelled.
Animals are people, and people are animals—and strange animals, indeed.