My mom was a writer, and a colorful talker too, even in the dull domestic sphere.
She'd force us to eat our green beans because, as she said, "They're good for your corpsuckles."
And if we ever questioned the source of her authority she'd say, "Because I got a 4.0 at the University of Michigan."
We ate pretty healthy—sugar cereal only on vacation—but occasionally we would beg her to buy Kraft Singles, those bright little yellow squares that were so much yummier to kids than sour old Swiss, or chewy cheddar.
"Why can't we have 'em?" Piper and I would ask.
"Because they have all the nutritional value," she would say in her sardonic smoker's rasp, "of a roll of toilet paper."
Well get this, Ma: The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics is trying to end a deal by which Kraft has been allowed to adorn its "pasteurized prepared cheese product," as it describes the yellow singles, with the group's "Kids Eat Right" label.
My sister sent me the news. We surmised that the Academy was forced into this action when Scottissue applied for inclusion in the Kids Eat Right program, on grounds that it had all the nutritional value of Kraft singles.