I think it would be good to have one day of the year when everyone—this means you—just seriously shuts the fuck up.
No pouring buckets of water on your head and challenging other assholes to pour buckets of water on their heads in the next 24 hours.
No self-important complaints about a company that screwed you over.
No stories on Huffington Post about Isis, right next to a story about an actress showing “sideboob.”
No hot-faced conjecture about what did or didn’t happen on a street in a town you never heard of two weeks ago (let alone in the minds of two people you’ve never met).
None of that shit.
You go to Facebook, and it’s just white space.
You go to The New York Times, and the headline is, SHUTTING THE FUCK UP … and there’s no story to click through to.
You turn on CNN, and Wolf Blitzer is just sitting at his desk in the Situation Room, thinking.
And you realize you might as well spend the day shutting the fuck up, since everyone else is.
And so you do.
You shut the fuck up.
Just for one day.
Just to see how it feels.
When? How about tomorrow?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.