When did we last sun our souls in the eternal light of Facebook postings from our favorite mild-mannered Chicago graphic designer, Buffy Van Huis?
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We have a filtered water bowl for a dog that eats shit. Makes sense.
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Driving with the windows down and a back seat full of empty growlers is a great way to announce your alcoholism, every time you hit the brakes.
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Anyone else pretend they're cleaning up the blood of their enemies when they mop their floors? No? Me neither, that'd be weird.
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I was just added to a porn site's "live sex" list. I'm curious, does that go under experience or accomplishments on your résumé?
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There's a guy on my train eating ribs from a ziploc bag and drinking beer concealed in a koozie. And I thought soul mates were a myth.
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There are so many benefits to working out in nature … fresh air, tranquility, wildlife, elderly women shitting along the trail …
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You know you live in a pretty special place when the news gives you a tally of all the murders at the end of each month.
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If you're gonna test your game at the gym, you should probably make sure you don't smell like nut soup.
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Nice to see that so many people are practicing safe sex in the train station parking lot.
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I had a bum yell at me for almost stepping on his tail, which was actually a piece of rope. So Monday is shaping up nicely…
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She called me a bitch, so I announced that her pants were see through in front of everyone. Choose your battles wisely, sweetheart.
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Never saw this guy before and he says you're awfully quiet today sweetie. I said it's because I just stabbed a guy for calling me sweetie.
Which train station are you close to?