Writing Boots

On communication, professional and otherwise.

When is it wrong to “agree to disagree”?

08.06.2013 by David Murray // 5 Comments

Last week I got into a Facebook debate with a longtime correspondent who ended a discussion she had thoughtlessly started and an argument I was winning handily by writing, "As with other things David I am happy to agree to disagree but two last things I will mention …."

And then used her last word to accuse me of not being on the side of Jesus and Ghandi. (Really!)

I didn't mind that as much as I minded the "agree to disagree" bailout. There are times when it's good to agree to disagree: Usually with a relative with whom you have more than once taken the same argument to its utterly dreadful, screaming extreme.

But in round three of a Facebook debate on a wholly new subject? That's just putting on your hat and walking out the door before you have to admit that maybe possibly perhaps you are partly wrong.

Agree? (Or agree to disagree?)

Categories // Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Jason says

    August 6, 2013 at 9:59 am

    YES. I hate that. See also the similarly stupid and white-flag-waving “everyone has the right to have an opinion.” While true, not all opinions are of equal value.

    Reply
  2. David Murray says

    August 6, 2013 at 10:08 am

    I think people often post or express their opinions not for the sake of starting a conversation or a debate, but to reveal or show off something about themselves (they’re loving, they’re generous, they’re understanding) … and then when a debate ensues they feel sorry for themselves. THIS WAS NOT WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND.
    I think people who see argument as an essential (and often fun) method of human communication should shower in separate bathrooms from those who think a debate is a nightmare and a fiercely argued case is an affront.

    Reply
  3. suki says

    August 8, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Sometimes you remind me of Kevin McMurtrey.

    Reply
  4. David Murray says

    August 8, 2013 at 8:27 am

    That’s a little opaque, Suzanne, even to me. Are you trying to make a point while avoiding an argument?

    Reply
  5. Judy Gombita says

    August 9, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    When I attended a Crucial Skills workshop (this one led by David Maxwell), I asked him that same question:
    Isn’t it a cop-out to say “agree to disagree?”
    He said normally yes. The exception was a “wedge issue,” whereby there was virtually no possibility of any movement on either side.
    And let’s face it, David, you don’t want to “agree to disagree” because then the “debate” would be over…..

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Now Available

An Effort to Understand

Order Now

SIGN UP TO RECEIVE BLOG UPDATES

About

David Murray writes on communication issues.
Read More

 

Categories

  • Baby Boots
  • Communication Philosophy
  • Efforts to Understand
  • Happy Men, and Other Eccentrics
  • Human Politicians
  • Mister Boring
  • Murray Cycle Diaries
  • Old Boots
  • Rambling, At Home and Abroad
  • Sports Stories
  • The Quotable Murr
  • Typewriter Truths
  • Uncategorized
  • Weird Scenes Inside the Archives

Archives

Copyright © 2023 ยท Log in

  • Preorder An Effort to Understand
  • Sign Up for Blog Updates
  • About David Murray