Writing Boots

On communication, professional and otherwise.

‘The ideal candidate’

12.04.2008 by David Murray // 4 Comments

Returning home from round-the-clock eating, drinking, golfing and sleeping to snow on the ground and an economy that's going to get worse before it gets better and a father who's not going to get better at all, I'm able to do little more, this morning, than clean out my slush file.

Happily, it contains this job description for a technology company's speechwriting position that has since closed (probably from wont of sufficiently insane applicants):

Individual Contributor—Can readily aggregate, analyze, and articulate concepts and solutions as the communications owner. You will need to routinely work outside of your own technology competence area, heavily leveraging subject matter experts throughout [the company]. Distills big picture into articulate, compelling stories. Makes decisions about and prioritizes own work. Ensures existing plans are put into operation. Acts with independence and discretion. Develops appropriate solutions. This position will proactively work with other functions within the Corporate Development Office including Corporate Strategy and Communications. He or she will be expected to identify platforms and other opportunities for executive keynotes and networking opportunities. An acclaimed specialist in one area; demonstrates depth/breadth of knowledge/skills in own discipline. Anticipates needs, investigates the underlying causes and identifies short and long term solutions.
        In order to be successful in this high profile role, you must have
superior written and oral communication skills, with a broad-based
education and an interest in as many subjects as possible. The ideal
candidate will be an avid reader, a confirmed techno geek, will have
had direct public speaking and presentation experience of their own,
and a proven ability to balance competing demands in a dynamic
environment. Finally, to blend well with the team, you should exude
contagious energy, and a great sense of humor!

It reminds me of my friend who applied for a communication job and the interviewer listed a dozen high-level strategic responsibilities.

"Excellent," my friend said cheerily, "Because in my last job it seemed I spent about half my time negotiating paper prices with the printer."

"Oh," said his interviewer. "You'll have to do that here, too."

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Comments

  1. Steve C. says

    December 4, 2008 at 10:11 am

    If the person described above actually exists (and I have my doubts that he/she/it does), he/she/it would no doubt be a real son of a bitch.
    Steve C.

    Reply
  2. Rueben says

    December 4, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    I don’t think I would want to hire someone who exudes anything contagious. And I don’t think I’d want to work with a team where that is required. Sounds a little sticky to me.

    Reply
  3. Joan H. says

    December 4, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    I wonder whether they thought through what sort of avid reading a techno geek does. Or what subjects are of interest to this techno geek. One of my geek friends, for example, built a tesla coil in his garage. Is that what they’re looking for? Really?
    Glad you’re back, David. I missed you.

    Reply
  4. David Murray says

    December 4, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Yes, good points.
    Mainly, I think, descriptions of “ideal candidates” should not be written by someone a manic rampage. Or at least they should be edited first.

    Reply

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