Writing Boots

On communication, professional and otherwise.

Creep Thoughts: Autumnal mood music, courtesy of Buffy Van Huis

10.09.2012 by David Murray // 12 Comments

How long has it been since we have been spiritually nourished by the humanistic Facebook postings of our favorite mild-mannered graphic designer, Buffy Van Huis?
Buffy

***

If by bitch, you mean I'm not stupid enough to put up with your bullshit, then yes, I am.

***

I wish my chances of winning the lottery were as good as the chances my foot will find the pile of dog vomit in the dark.

***

Sitting next to the dirtiest of hippies on the train has taught me a little something about the smell of damp cardboard and expired bologna.

***

Not sure how much street cred you get from using your Crown Royal bag as a purse, but I'm pretty sure it gets you a free trip to AA.

***

Ok, he's really cleaning under his toenails with a pen. I mean, just in case the police want to know why I burnt down the train.

***

My
husband likes to watch Smoky and the Bandit on a Friday night which is
cute because can use that on his dating profile when he's single.

***

If you don't play guess the crazy in the therapist's waiting room, then you aren't doing therapy right.

***

When you called me a bitch, I bet you didn't expect to get on the same elevator as me. Or the part where I stand really close and grin.

***

My husband found his high school football highlight films. This is my suicide note.

Categories // Uncategorized Tags // Buffy Van Huis, Creep Thoughts, Facebook posts

Creep thoughts, as the days get shorter and the leaves fall like would-be murder victims

10.13.2011 by David Murray // 2 Comments

Buffy It's time for our seasonal reflections on the nappy side of life, from the the recent Facebook updates of the mild-mannered graphic designer, Buffy Van Huis. 

Multiple choice obligatory anniversary message to husband. Choose one:
 A.) blah blah blah best friend
 B.) something something best decision, ever
 C.) thanks for all the x, y, z … winky-smiley, heart
 D.) suck it

How slowly you walk in front of me will determine the swiftness and severity of your murder. So keep chatting, asshole.

If I say I find you morbidly amusing, it's only because I would get a good laugh out of murdering you.

My husband bought cheap coffee, so I can either cry about it or kill everyone in my path. And gosh, I'm not wearing my waterproof mascara.

I tried meatless sausage for dinner. I highly recommend it if you've completely given up on happiness.

I went out of the house looking like PigPen's sister. It's like I've completely given up on myself. Just kidding, I gave up a long time ago.

I wonder if you'd feel as confident dishing out your dirty looks if you knew your fly was open?

Is there an emoticon that says, "your passive aggressive winky face can eat a bag of shit"? Just wondering.

I took a picture of a rainbow in the city. Now, I probably need to nutpunch someone to maintain my street cred. Life is hard.

Rainbow

Categories // Uncategorized Tags // Buffy Van Huis, Creep Thoughts

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