Self-professed moderate Republicans and independents are about to suffer a febrile seizure, so suddenly spiking is their professed fever to learn all about Kamala Harris’s policies.
Boys, let’s get you into an ice bath, and stick some baby aspirin up your ass.
What kind of novel and revolutionary policies do you think Kamala Harris has up her sleeve, as she tries desperately to get elected in a starkly divided country where about 17 unknowable “swing voters” are going to decide the election, and then stay in office in a closely divided Congress that will abort any liberal extremism as a blastocyst?
I’m reminded of a Chicago pal’s story. He wanted to create his own novelty brand of beer, called “Boss Beer.” So he went to a local brewery and took the president out to lunch. The man was amazingly agreeable, told my pal to have the labels printed up and bring ‘em down any time!
To which my friend rubbed his hands together and replied, “All right, now what about the beer?”
“What about the beer?” the brewer replied.
“Well, what kind of beer will it be?”
“It’ll be the beer!”
Meaning, the same goddamn beer the brewery sold under its own label, except with “Boss Beer” on the bottle.
My friend was crushed, and then realized instantly that he shouldn’t have been.
Whatever Kamala Harris says about “turning a new page” after Joe Biden—and whatever Donald Trump says about her being a radical left-winger—we’re basically gonna get the beer.
It might taste different, with a new label on it. It might taste very different, in fact, because that old label was pretty fucking old indeed. But it’ll be the beer. You know it, and I know it. (And the really left-wing folks know it too; you should hear their screams.)
Well, at least it’s beer.
Your choices are that, and Malort. And I don’t mean to rush you but we’re pretty busy tonight, so what’ll it be?
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