Very close to exactly what was said at a certain Jiffy Lube franchise on the north side of Chicago over Memorial Day weekend:
Jiffy Lube Guy (with sardonic hipster attitude): Would you like the standard oil, or the synthetic?
Me (with a little Bloody Mary buzz on and my wife as my driver): The standard.
JLG: The synthetic is on sale, half off.
Me (loaded for bear): You do know, don’t you, that when you go to heaven, they don’t let you in because you bought the synthetic, on earth? In fact in neither the next life nor in this is there any discernible, sustainable advantage in buying the synthetic. I am fifty-five years old and I’ve bought the synthetic so many times and it hasn’t done me one goddamn bit of good, hasn’t earned me a single reward in life. Neither has choosing a new “cabin air filter.”
JLG (eyes lidded): Well, it’s half off, do you want it?
Me: Sure, I’ll take it.
JLG: What about the cabin air filter?
Me: Yes.
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