How are folks reacting to Biden’s election victory? Here’s what I’m seeing:
While friends and colleagues from around the world are sending messages of unmitigated joy and congratulations as if I just won Wimbledon, domestic correspondents exchanging messages of muted joy, or sending no messages at all. Because joy goes without saying? Because joy isn’t the right emotion for the mere restoration of sanity? (We have our pride.) Because there’s still so much undoing to do and we’re not sure we agree on how much is possible and what should be done first?
Private, humble family Zoom celebrations, and outdoor champagne with friends (at one house yesterday, being careful not to annoy conservative neighbors on the other side of the side-yard fence).
Conservatives asking provocative social media questions while feigning intellectual neutrality themselves. (Because when you don’t want a wound to heal, the thing to do is pick the scab.)
Conservatives and liberals bickering on Facebook. Liberal: “Make the asshole go away.” Conservative: “You sound exactly like Trump.” And so on.
Conservatives quietly advising one another on Facebook to switch from Facebook and Twitter to Parler and MeWe, where they believe their posts won’t be censored. (And where there may be fewer liberals to have to bicker with?)
Meanwhile, my friend the employee communication guru Steve Crescenzo is publicly reporting on a dialogue he is having with his wife and fellow employee communication guru, Cindy Crescenzo.
Are any other guys out there hoping this feeling of euphoria about Trump being gone translates to sex?
I keep saying things like:
“OH MY GOD WE SHOULD HAVE SEX TO CELEBRATE.”
“WOW!!!!!!!! IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME TO HAVE SEX THIS IS IT!”
“WE GOT OUR COUNTRY BACK!!! WE SHOULD HAVE SEX TO RECREATE THE REBIRTH OF OUR NATION!!!!!!!”
So far . . . nothing.
I believe Cindy is not the only American who would agree with me that this is a nice moment for a National Shut the Fuck Up Week, which I have called for in this space before.
If you will, I will.
It’s not surprising that Steve immediately thought of the sexual ramifications of the election. Other appropriate times from Steve:
Hey honey, it’s Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t this be a good time to remember the Pilgrims by having sex?
Cindy, before Santa arrives, maybe we should celebrate the Yuletide with Egg Nog and sex.
It’s Labor Day, sweetie, let’s take the day off in honor of the unions that built this country and have sex.
So this is not a thing. Really.
Arbor Day, Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Boxing Day, Guy Fawkes Day, whatever the fuck that is (who celebrates someone who tried to blow up the fucking government? But we should still have sex!!!!), Whatever day it is that the Brits put out the red flowers . . . . we should ALWAYS have sex in honor of these days.
What a beautiful sentiment: to celebrate all these special days… with wild abandon. Excellent!
But not tonight; I have a headache.