"I'm not ready for this. I never was ready for this. I could never have prepared myself for this day. My heart hurts, tremendously. I don't know how I'm expected to do this. It's an insurmountable pain. I'll trade in all my mulligans to have her back. I miss her. Everything… EVERY SINGLE THING reminds me of her. I am going to be haunted by this for life – and I am not ready. I look out on the deck, she's not there. Look in the bathroom, she not there. Mom, you want a cup of coffee? How about some breakfast? I want to be selfish and say it wasn't your time to go. I want you back. I need you back. I'd gladly take all of your suffering for the next 50 yrs. Please mom. I can't do this without you."
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