If I were president, there would be a War on Smarm, and the uttering of many terms we suffer all the time these days would be classified as felonies.
Our jails would be overcrowded with soccer moms, carpool dads and, school teachers and many other types of otherwise harmless geeks, all serving outrageous mandatory minimum sentences for first offenses. (And any reference to “the game of life” would draw the death penalty. Game over.)
As president, I would accept the inevitable criticism, as long as it wasn’t framed in smarmy terms by mincing twerps who claimed to be “speaking truth to power,” issuing a “a wake-up call” to a “system that is broken” and claiming “we can do better.”
All those bastards would go to jail with the rest of them.
And there’d be more legal drugs for the rest of us.