These days even steel-balled, risk-loving entrepreneurs like The Murr find ourselves thinking about a sepia-toned notion called "job security."
A Chicago Force player the other day mentioned she's a prison guard, and my first reaction was: "Damn, girl, you're set for life!"
Looking at a Google News page for Wal-Mart this morning, I had the same perverse thought about Wal-Mart's media relations director; these are some of the headlines he or she had to deal with in the last week:
• Man Angry At Wal-Mart Snaps
• Child Attacked in Wal-Mart
• Police: Wal-Mart Shooting Suspect Kills Self
• Wal-Mart Employee Burns Himself to Death Because He 'Couldn't Take It Anymore’
• Wal-Mart Customer in Mass. Finds Teeth in Wallet
• Child Attacked in Wal-Mart
• Police: Wal-Mart Shooting Suspect Kills Self
• Wal-Mart Employee Burns Himself to Death Because He 'Couldn't Take It Anymore’
• Wal-Mart Customer in Mass. Finds Teeth in Wallet
"Ah, Dave, you've got a call on line three."
"Is this about the angry guy who snapped, or the fed-up guy who burned himself to death?"
"Um, actually, it's about the customer who found teeth in the wallet."
Teeth? How do teeth end up in a wallet. I don’t even want to think about it. Are these “for reals” (as my six year old says).
Yes, they are “for reals.”
Hell, Eileen – who could POSSIBLY make this kind of shit up?!
“And,” (she continued smugly) “This, David, is the sort of stuff that happens when you are a leviathan of a monopoly who make “price” the be-all and end-all of your business.”
P.S. I WANTED to say “I told you so” in response to your recent Bendict Arnold-ness in suddenly thinking and writing that the evil empire is benign, but I’m too big a person to do that, because you’re my friend!
Oh, I’m sure you’re joking, Kristen, in implying that wallet-teeth and parking-lot self-burning are a sign that Wal-Mart is evil!
No, these stories are the product of the fact that Wal-Mart has 17 kajillion stores and something must be going wrong at one of them at all times … and that most journalists share our suspicion of any corporation this big, this successful and this cheesy.
And when teeth are found in a wallet within five square miles of a Wal-Mart, the company’s name gets into the headline.
(Which is fine with me.)
Well, the last time I heard about protest variety self-immolation it was Tibetan Monks protesting China’s attempts to wipe out Tibet and get them to “assimilate” (Borg, anyone??) . . .
I’m just sayin’
P.S. You totally MADE UP “kajillion” – that isn’t a word – I love it! Eileen: did you catch that?
While I’m very glad that you snobs can afford to shop at Mejiers (Mejairs? Meihrs? However the hell you spell that upscale big box store) and CostCo and Target . . . every day I wake up and thank God that Wal-Mart is there for people like my Uncle Wally, and my Aunt Helen, and my Cousin Billy, and my Other Cousin Ronald . . . all of whom, without Wal-Mart, would not be able to buy clothes, appliances, toys for their kids, or any other number of things
And I also Thank God that the millions of people Wal Mart employs have jobs in this economy . . . maybe not the greatest jobs, but as someone who has picked up litter on highways and worked an assembly line in a factory, working at a Wal Mart seems like the sort of cushy job you have to have “clout” in order to land.
Sleepless in Copenhagen
While I’m very glad that you snobs can afford to shop at Mejiers (Mejairs? Meihrs? However the hell you spell that upscale big box store) and CostCo and Target . . . every day I wake up and thank God that Wal-Mart is there for people like my Uncle Wally, and my Aunt Helen, and my Cousin Billy, and my Other Cousin Ronald . . . all of whom, without Wal-Mart, would not be able to buy clothes, appliances, toys for their kids, or any other number of things
And I also Thank God that the millions of people Wal Mart employs have jobs in this economy . . . maybe not the greatest jobs, but as someone who has picked up litter on highways and worked an assembly line in a factory, working at a Wal Mart seems like the sort of cushy job you have to have “clout” in order to land.
Sleepless in Copenhagen
If you weren’t already in Copenhagen, Steve, I’d advise you to get on a plane and go to Denmark–and notice that the country seems to get along all right without giant parts of its population having to work and shop in, having to look at, grotesque warehouses.
Oh, and Eileen, you’re not alone in your confusion about the wallet and teeth. A new headline today:
“Teeth Found In Wal-Mart Wallet Puzzle Police”
Steve – all my regular correspondents know this about me, but let me say it here in public so there’s no confusion – I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND that people who have lower incomes and/or lots of kids NEED the low prices Wal-MART offers and I’m not judging anybody.
That said, here’s the thing – Wal-Mart’s policy of THE lowest prices, which it demands from EVERY company who works with or supplies to Wal-Mart in ANY capacity means that most of these other companies HAVE NO CHOICE but to produce their products in China or India where the labour costs are low enough to allow them to meet Wal-Mart’s cost requirements and still make a profit.
Ultimately, by patronizing Wal-Mart Americans are unwittingly helping to send more and more jobs out of the country and putting more of their family and friends out of work.
And yes, Wal-Mart employs lots of people. Unfortunately, most of those jobs are low-wage, include minimal (if any) health benefits, and discriminate against female employees in job-advancement opportunities.
Let me say it again – I UNDERSTAND that lots of people MUST shop at Wal-Mart for their prices, but let’s not pretend that Wal-Mart is a benevolent organization, or that their business model isn’t helping to put more Americans out of good jobs, than the number and type of jobs they are providing.
P.S. I love you Steve!!